@fatherofcomedy: wish there was an edit option when d atm shows ur account balance!
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@pharmasean: [At maternity ward] Me: is this where babies are delivered Nurse: Yes Me: You ought to be ashamed. Babies need their livers
@jjhartinger: This new generation doesn't knock they just text to say they're outside, so I text back to say we're inside. Two can play.
@secondofhername: Friend: I'm about to appear in court. Me: Best of luck! Kill it!! Friend:...not exactly the best phrase to use in a medical negligence case.