@fatherofcomedy: wish there was an edit option when d atm shows ur account balance!
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@iwearaonesie: wife: You're going to work like that? me: Yeah, it's casual day [20 minutes later] me *calls wife* Can you bring me some pants?
@daemonic3: I'm opening a healthy alternative all egg-white omelet breakfast joint. I really think my "Whites Only!" restaurant idea will be a hit!
@huntigula: My 8yo niece: I have 6 boyfriends ME: ok wow, that's a- Niece [interrupts]: I hate all of them