@sensualgifs: when you're sick of dropping subtle hints to the guy you like and getting no where

@WilliamRodgers: *Reads about a Salmonella outbreak on lettuce -NEVER eats Salad again! *Reads about the dangers of Alcohol poisoning -NEVER reads again!

@kellysdf: It's important to know your neighbors by name. For instance, "Mr. Mean Old Man" and his wife, "Screamy".

@noog: Just heard a little boy call his mom "mother," as if both had already accepted the fact that he'd become a serial killer some day.

@bridger_w: In time, the dust settled, and the dust took a job it hated and married someone it could barely tolerate