@tsm560: Wishing for bad shit to happen to people you hate is so wrong. You gotta be way more proactive than that.
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@Great_JENetics: *found in the netflix horror section* "Mary has a secret that'll TEAR YOU APART" Movie name: Mary piranha
@internetluke: [trying to talk to girl] Ha so you from around here? "Ya" Cool me too. I love planet earth
@iamnotdiddy: The most embarrassing thing about mistaking pilates class for pirates class is concealing my musket.
@david8hughes: "The toilet's blocked pretty bad so I called the plumber. Should be here later tod-" [Bowser spits coffee] "Which plumber?"