@jessokfine: Witches these days have it so easy. Do you know how hard it used to be to find so many newts? Now you get them with free 2 day shipping.
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@_chasing_amy: 9 just scolded me at the grocery for buying wine. I told him it was ok, I was 21 to which he loudly responded, Nooo, you're 38. Thanks son.
@Brianhopecomedy: My 4 year old said he wants to go to JFK for some chicken. He won't be majoring in history.
@garrettbarry70: [Christmas shopping] Me. "I need to get some wrapping paper, shall we split up?" Her. "Ok but I'm keeping the house"
@One_FineMess: Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good. But a Pepsi drinker...