@jessokfine: Witches these days have it so easy. Do you know how hard it used to be to find so many newts? Now you get them with free 2 day shipping.
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@butterwolf: Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Marry your enemy. Grow old together. Watch your enemy die.
@Ygrene: *Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman all avoiding eye contact with Aquaman as he walks in to work & sees Michael Phelps sitting at his desk*
@MarkAFuqua_Hunt: After many years I've realized I'm allergic to beer. It causes me to break out in places. Places I have no idea how to get home from.
@NerishaLakha: Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back with the rest of it's little Lego friends.