@cuppajosh: With 10K characters, I can finally get into great detail about how I'm not allowed at the company family picnic any more!
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@omgthatspunny: Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands. I love this joke because it never grows old.
@WhoTheHeckIsMeg: ["Platonic" male friend rams car through my bedroom wall] I heard you broke up with your girl. You ok? Ready to give men a try now?????????
@scubavelli: "Oh I'll be your relationship status alright..." -me sleeping outside this Taco Bell