@emmaberen: with absolutely zero exaggeration I think I can say that this is the funniest thing I have ever seen
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@KeetPotato: wife: "no one will remember dont worry" me: "ok" [2 mins into my high school reunion] guy: "yo are you the dude that brought a dog to prom?"
@Ideal_Victoria: I’m still waiting for my date from last summer to come back from the restaurant’s bathroom… I hope everything is ok.
@meganamram: party idea: "DUI or IUD?" u can only invite people who have one or both and u CAN'T divulge which
@SteveSuckington: Wanna get rich? Buy my book, 'How to Get Stupid People on the Internet to Send You $39.95' for only $39.95.