@juliussharpe: With all the conflicts in the world, the board game Risk has taught me the first thing we should do is invade Australia.
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@MarlonBrandNO: ME: I wish I could just go back to the good old day FRIEND: don't you mean good old days? ME: no, I just had the one
@notbedelia: 911: what's your emergency? M: I'm out of ketchup. 911: miss I don't think u get how 911 works. M: I DONT THINK U GET HOW HOT DOGS WORK
@thatUPSdude: Turns out if you fake a heart attack every Monday work sends you to HR and not the hospital.