@juliussharpe: With all the conflicts in the world, the board game Risk has taught me the first thing we should do is invade Australia.
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@MelvinofYork: My wife just threatened to kill me in my sleep, which seems much less horrifying than being killed wide awake. She’s always been thoughtful.
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: may we contact your previous employers? [cut to the giant grave in the desert where I buried them all] Me: lol you could try
@AnOrangeSNES: My password is Superman Hulk Thor Goku, that's the strongest password I can think of.