@juliussharpe: With all the conflicts in the world, the board game Risk has taught me the first thing we should do is invade Australia.
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@DrDogMD: DR DOG: Please remove your shoes & step on the scale PATIENT: Ok DR DOG: I'll be right back *carries the shoes out of the room in his mouth*
@mattwhitlockPM: This girl tweeted "You might be ghetto if you bring outside food into the movies." ...No, you might be stupid if you pay 4.99 for Skittles.
@TheTweetOfGod: Fear and ignorance would gay-marry each other if they weren't both opposed to it.