With all the conflicts in the world, the board game Risk has taught me the first thing we should do is invade Australia.

@comer310: Hey gurl, were you taped to the inside of a birthday card from my grandmother? Cause you're a dime.

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@MissNaughty1801: *approaches man sitting at the bar Me: would you like to dance Him: yeah! Me: that's great because I need to sit down

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@KeetPotato: me: [trying to pronounce gnocchi] "gnocc gnocc-" waiter: "who's there? haha" me: "this isn't a joke son"

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@misfarber: [looking at flocks of squawking crows] We have to stop these senseless murders

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