@funnybeachgirl: With the holidays upon us, please dont forget what they stand for. Family, friends & punching strangers at the mall because they cut in line
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@FinnMcIver: everyone's always saying 'the good ones die young', 'god only takes the best'. so I must be immortal
@upsidedowntrash: [at séance] Me: If you truly are a ghost why don't you move this object Ghost: If you truly are a human why don't you get your shit together
@sickipediabot: When a woman has tissues at her bedside, she has a cold. When a man has tissues at his bedside, he may have a cold.