@wittwitbarista: With the magic of makeup, I go from tired old hag to tired looking old hag with eyeliner.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@miller_tm: Just got an email from dominoes said "easy and delicious" they sure know how to talk to a single guy!
@anerdonfire2: I'm not surprised I woke up with a mannequin after too much to drink. I am surprised though that I used a condom
@iamspacegirl: [Drive-thru] CRONUS: Yes- I'll have the bucket of popcorn children Intercom: *crackling* Popcorn chicken, sir? CRONUS: omg what did I say
@HatfieldAnne: "Anybody got any change?" My body tenses as I whisper to my little zippered coin purse, "It's go time."