@DancesWithTamis: With trump being a potential candidate I feel like the Simpsons are sitting on their couch watching an episode of us
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@Still_Khaleesi: It's so annoying when you've already planned out a convo in your head and the other person doesn't follow the script. Learn your script! 😫
@david8hughes: [1st day as lifeguard] Guy: there's someone drowning in the water Me [not looking up from phone]: well it'd be hard to drown in the sand
@_davidlucas_: So it's okay for the cat to run away and hide under the bed when visitors turn up. But when I do it, I'm "antisocial". I call bullshit.
@DumbConfessions: Wrong hole. No. Still the wrong hole. Only ONE in each hole! Ugh. Here! I'll show you. -Helping my kid put on a swimsuit.