@Jake_Vig: With virtually no power, there still comes a surprisingly large amount of responsibility.
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@kcmoore51: [sanitation worker knocks at my door] The amount of McDonald's related trash we're collecting from your home each week has us concerned.
@Marlebean: I'll photoshop my youngest into old pics just to make him stop crying about not being a part of the family before he was born.
@AndyAsAdjective: WIFE: omg Will Smith's son, Jaden, is dead ME: where'd you see that? W: Facebook M: I'm pretty sure that's a hoax W: no Facebook is real