@Jake_Vig: With virtually no power, there still comes a surprisingly large amount of responsibility.
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@upsidedowntrash: [first day in a new house] Me: [walking around naked] nothing like the freedom of your own home Ghost who intended to haunt me: goddamnit
@NewDadNotes: *cat rubs against genie lamp* G: you get one wish Cat:*makes eye contact & slowly pushes lamp off table* G: guess who just wished for a dog
@Book_Krazy: Fitness coach: have you been exercising & doing push-ups? *Flashback to me running after the ice cream man & buying all the push-ups* "yes"
@Brianhopecomedy: Went on a trampoline with my 1 year old and learned that if you jump JUST right it unfortunately turns into a baby catapult.