@DaddyJew: Witness protection, but for men who have accidentally told a woman she looks tired
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@JermHimselfish: I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential.
@WheelTod: [Home Depot] Me: Hi, I'd like to return this toilet plunger, please. Cashier: I'm sorry, is it defective? Me: No. It worked great