@DaddyJew: Witness protection, but for men who have accidentally told a woman she looks tired
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@KyleMcDowell86: [Me to the second baseman after I slide into 2nd] Make sure u separate plastics & food waste [Coach from dugout] NOT THAT KIND OF TRASH TALK
@joshbupkes: that moment when football players come out of the locker room and realize they're all wearing the same thing again
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I love Instagram's new direct messaging feature because I've always thought, "If only this picture of someone's dinner was just for me."