@DaddyJew: Witness protection, but for men who have accidentally told a woman she looks tired
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jessforaminute: Lick the corner of your mouth. The corner. JUST the CORNER. God damn it Diane do you want to be America's Next Top Model or the Hamburglar
@RobElliottComic: That show Scrubs is bullshit. Not one person in this hospital joined in my song and dance number.
@FatherWithTwins: My wife gave me her Christmas list. I said, "isn't my undying love & affection enough?" We laughed and laughed. Now I'm at the purse store