@DaddyJew: Witness protection, but for men who have accidentally told a woman she looks tired
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@NicestHippo: [job interview] You sure you know what it means to be a real estate developer? [i picture myself yelling at a building to try harder] Yes
@PFitzpa: My husband & I have a secret signal we use when it's time to leave a party. I pull an air horn out of my purse and blast it.
@jonnysun: "911 wats ur emergency" hi-- huh? um-- so, uh-- ah. oh geez. well im only just now realizimg that the girl at the bar gave me a fake number