@ProudFFAalumni: woke up just in time to push my cat off the bed before he threw up. today is going to be magical.
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@NJPsychDoc: My stages of drunk: 1. You're UGLY 2. You're HOT 3. You're BEAUTIFUL 4. Your HONOR in my defense......
@trevso_electric: "Smells fresh. Like a tropical island." "Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family's been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!"
@onion_an: Gf: Remember that night we had unprotected sex Me: Yeah Gf: I'm having twins Me suspiciously: We only did it once why's there two babies