@ProudFFAalumni: woke up just in time to push my cat off the bed before he threw up. today is going to be magical.
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@_GrahamPatrick: PARTY GUEST: So, how did you two meet? HUSBAND: Oh, it's a bit of a fairytale, right darling? [wife is clearly a wolf in a dress] WIFE: Yes.
@agathagotstoned: *walks out into irradiated air using an antique porcelain teacup as a gas mask* *dies instantly, but with a touch of class*
@whatmaddness: If you want your friends to stop asking you to work out with them, go once. Show up in leather. Bring your workout cake.