@ProudFFAalumni: woke up just in time to push my cat off the bed before he threw up. today is going to be magical.
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@UncleBob56: Wife: What's your fantasy? Me: It involves your mom. W: Your disgusting! M: W: What is it? M: I always wished she'd taught you how to cook.
@PwrFulWmn: You attract more men when you smell like butter, sautéed ham and onions than any expensive perfume.
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: You can't tell kids they're grounded anymore ME: Why not? W: They weren't our kids M: You did see how badly they packed our groceries?