@badbanana: Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
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@KeetPotato: [at my date's front door] wait, so you've known i was a koala the whole time? "yeah" [me clinging to her arm slowly eating a leaf] how tho?
@murrman5: I got fired today "what? why?" no idea "you have no idea?" nope "I'm confused when did this happen?" between pre break break and break
@CompChristopher: If there is a zombie apocalypse I hope that they are thriller zombies because they're fabulous dancers
@TeaAndCopy: My wife said that to make our marriage work, we both need to make sacrifices. I've chosen a goat.