@SadPeruna: Woke up to 5:15am phone reminder telling me I need to set my alarm for 8am. Thanks last night drunk self. This is why we don't have friends.
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@miliondollameat: me: wow the stars are beautiful gf: omg babe they really are me: u know who else is beautiful? gf: *blushes* who? :3 me: Harambe
@rose24_em: If a guy spread rose petals all over my apartment, I would literally look at him and just be like: "I'm not picking this up."
@Vodkantots: "And what will you do if you're crowned Miss Universe?" "I will have a special prosecutor put the first runner up in jail."