@P1ssed_K1d: Woman at drive-thru just called me "honey." Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike.
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@markydoodoo: [House Hunters] *sitting in a blind, in the wilderness, waiting for a house to come* *chimney slowly appears on the horizon*
@MakesYouGiggle: Interviewer: Why did you apply for this job? Me: Because being broke and homeless didn't really call out to me.
@SortaBad: John: Hey Jude... Paul: Don't make it bad George: Take a sad song... Ringo: So weird how coffee is yummy hot or cold but gross in-between
@Paxochka: I'm not taking the Democrat convention seriously until someone starts talking to a table.