@P1ssed_K1d: Woman at drive-thru just called me "honey." Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike.
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@DanMentos: Q. Why are ghostbusters afraid of bridges over small rivers? A. Because they're not supposed to cross the streams
@lazerdoov: I wanna be rich enough to have 11 midgets who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast
@SaraMansford: Germ 1-OMG he dropped his pizza! Germ 2-PIIZZZAAAA!!! Let's get it! Germ Capt.-Stand back! He still has one more second to pick it up.
@DepecheALAmode: I want to get married just so I can throw my wedding ring in anger. I bet it's a lot cooler than aggressively untying a friendship bracelet.