@merseytart: Woman on CNN talking about London's streets being eerily quiet. Mate, it's Sunday. They're not cowering in fear, they're having a lie in.
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@DanMentos: Dear Sir, I am writing this with a heavy heart. Sorry it's so hard to read I should really find a pen
@CrzyCharly: Remember in Mario Kart when you thought you were in first place? Then realized you were looking at the wrong screen and crashing into walls and shit.. That’s adulthood....
@LostFelicia: My new sunglasses blend perfectly with the color of my hair so I won't feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head.
@simoncholland: Thanks for always acting surprised by breakfast in bed like you slept right through the great pots and pans avalanche of 6:45 AM.