@junkyardigan: Women are from Venus, men are wrong.
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@TheSharona06: I had a beautiful pearl of wisdom to tweet but I dropped it on the ground and one of my dogs ate it. I should have it back in 12 hours or so
@t0shiba: Sometimes I type a 'C' when I meant to type an 'A'. And now I have to apologize to my 'Aunt'
@CM2BTTHD: I just saw my 25-year-old son run water on a slice of pizza to cool it off. I need to sit down.
@Bagyants: Student loans: because you should know what it's like to be one of the poor people you're always going on about