@notenoughwine: Women are like bacon: we look good, we smell good, we taste good, and we will slowly kill you
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@kelownagoose: Fun game: Select all of your Snapchat contacts and send them a text that says... "Wow...Are you sure that was for me?" And wait.
@ella__fraser: Men that know the difference between moist and wet, know the difference between failure and success
@Kali_Mura: Me: Dark Lord, I am your devoted servant. Please accept this sacrifice as proof of my -- Satan: I have a girlfriend.