@xysist: Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam's ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
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@RidiculousSheri: I have two boyfriends! Well, I'm dating two men Okay. Ben and I are just friends Same with Jerry Fine. I have ice cream. But it's love.
@AnniemuMary: My husband got new earbuds. Think I'll skip the middle man and put them straight in the washing machine.
@OneFunnyMummy: My kids have enough energy to run 10,000 laps around the house but get tired walking around the block. I call bullshit.
@jonnysun: "to my son, i leave my bathroom scale" the lawyer sighs "because where theres a will, theres a weigh. to my wife, i leave my last high five"