@Parentpains: Women call it a secret sixth sense, men call it paranoia.
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@doublewenis: Hey...quick question, fellas: Does it still count as leg day if you just shaved them?
@JoParkerBear: My brain forces me to relive traumatic moments over and over and over and over, but it won't tell me where I left my laptop charger.
@InternetHippo: TRUMP: She’s too scripted HILLARY (reading from teleprompter): Mr. Trump, (voice steadily rising) Adobe Reader is ready to update
@TheHyyyype: MOM: your friends smoke weed so now u do? ME: uh- MOM: if they jumped off a bridge, would u jump too? ME: guess it depends how high i was