@trevso_electric: Women! Can't live with 'em, can't sell 'em or Liam Neeson will find you and kill you.
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@errdayhustlah: According to my neighbor's rooster, it's 5am now. Also according to my neighbor's rooster, we're having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
@david8hughes: [wife gets in the car after talking with the priest] "What did the priest have to say?" "He said you have to stop rapping over the choir."
@ddsmidt: If someone shows up at my house unannounced, I won't open the door. I just stand on the other side of the glass shaking my head no.
@FreckleMcPickle: Been married so long it's almost like a first date. Husband is always wondering if he's even gonna make it to 1st base.