@Jennifergr8: Women dressed head to toe in animal print just bumped into me, thought I was being attacked my an obese leopard.
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@Mr_Kapowski: [kissing] Wife: *breathy whisper* Do you want to take my shirt off? Me: *breathy whisper* I'm not wearing your shirt
@dafloydsta: WIFE: Now stick to the list, okay? ME: I will. [later] WIFE: What the hell? [6 puppies run by] ME: Relax, they were on sale, Karen.