@mjkspeaks: Women hate it when you call them ma'am or sleep with their friends.
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@causticbob: Why do sanitary towel adverts always feature a liquid which is blue? Are aliens their primary customers?
@I_Bl33d_Purple: When I die, someone, please attend my funeral dressed as the Grim Reaper and just stand there and don't say a word. Thanks.
@Bob_Heller: "May I have my surgery badge, Scout Master?" "Um, there's no such thing." "There was no such thing as a duck squirrel til now. Badge me!"