@gerryhallcomedy: Women have a good 6th sense. I smiled at a girl in the mall once. When I got home I opened the door and my wife met me with a drop kick.
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@skickwriter: 5 & 8: Mommy, may I wear these boots? Can you find my jeans? Will you brush my hair? Will you tie my shoes? Mommy, why aren't you ready?
@sammyj_04: What's it called when it's 9:20am and you can't wait for dinner? Oh, it's called fat. Nevermind.
@dlockw21: *Opening presents 1986: Please be a crossbow! Please be a crossbow! 2016: Please be a crossbow! Please be a crossbow!