@gerryhallcomedy: Women have a good 6th sense. I smiled at a girl in the mall once. When I got home I opened the door and my wife met me with a drop kick.
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@dshack8: 6yo Son: Dad, why'd you spray cologne down there when you got outta the shower? Me: How's ice cream for dinner sound?
@Death_Buddy: *gets summoned to the spider court* YOU ARE HEREBY CHARGED WITH THE CRUSHING OF 4 SPIDERS HOW DO YOU PLEAD? *places glass over spider judge*
@rockymomax: [ultrasound] DOCTOR: oh my god! HER: what's wrong? DOCTOR: Ok don't panic but it looks as though you swallowed a baby