@ObviousOstrich: Women have a higher risk of getting pregnant than guys.
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@LaziestCanine: Cashier: find everything okay? Me: yes [comes back 5 hours later] Me: [through the tears] i lied, i've been trying to find Kony since 2012
@DrDogMD: PATIENT: my stomach is killing me, doc DR DOG: I've got just the thing for you *hands him a prescription bottle filled with grass*
@FeverFlave: Why does Mommy always say no? Well Son, if Mommy said yes all the time you'd have 20 more siblings.