@kelkulus: Women I sleep with get so weird when I ask them to sign the guestbook.
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@AimeeHelene1: *husband comes outside* "What are all the neighbors out here laughing about?" *sees me trying to skateboard to the mailbox*
@TheHyyyype: Signs that your wife is cheating on you: 1. Wearing more makeup and perfume than usual 2. Acting distant 3. Sleeping with another dude
@Rollinintheseat: When I go to a restaurant, I stare at the menu for 10 minutes, and then order the exact same thing I did the last 20 times I've been there.