@kelkulus: Women I sleep with get so weird when I ask them to sign the guestbook.
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@internetluke: [plane] "Is there a doctor on board?" Im a doctor "Okay quick the passenger is having a heart att- Of fine arts "What?" Doctor of Fine Arts
@ExploringUrMind: Drugs, is not the answer unless the question is why are you eating spaghetti with your hands.
@mikeleffingwell: Sorry, "hella" was an inappropriate word choice. I was trying to be cool. I'll rephrase: Your son is totally missing.