@kelkulus: Women I sleep with get so weird when I ask them to sign the guestbook.
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@BootsORiley: Had to pause Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory to go buy a king sized Snickers. This is why i can not watch Breaking Bad.
@Kyle_Raney: How to open a letter: 1. Carefully remove seal 2. Slide your finger unde--okay the seal is back GET THAT SEAL OUT OF THE ROOM NO SEALS ALLO
@PieChord: Wanna know what it's like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.