@djr_102: Women love shy guys with some sensitive sensibilities. They also love confidence and assertiveness. So, have multiple personality disorder.
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@Sassafrantz: Accidentally left my phone at home, now I know how Kevin McCallister's parents felt.
@Chumpstring: [airport] SON: can i yell bomb? DAD: no. SON: hijack? DAD: nope. SON: how about shitballer? DAD: uh yeah i guess but please don't.
@mirandaasantos: throwback to when the car insurance lady asked my mom for front, rear, & side views but she didn't get the memo..
@OfficialMizGin: My parties got a hundred times better when I realized if I didn’t invite anybody I could eat all the snacks.