@shutupmikeginn: women love to see the veins in a man's arm. it shows he runs on blood, and not something more sinister
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@markhoppus: i appreciate the song "the boys are back in town" because it answers the age-old question: are the boys back in town y/n?
@theshamingofjay: Friend 1: I was promoted. Friend 2: I got engaged. Friend 3: My wife is pregnant again. Me: One of my selfies almost got 50 likes.
@GoldenSpirals: My neighbour left her outdoor stereo blaring & went out for the night. I now have a set of speakers for sale, minus the wires. Call me.