@shutupmikeginn: women love to see the veins in a man's arm. it shows he runs on blood, and not something more sinister
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@theevilwriter: I stopped writing poetry when I realized their only value was to threaten to read them to people if they didn't do what I wanted.
@mikealfredcaine: shave your dog in the winter so he stands out in the crowd. if you lose him u can easily describe him as the cold bald dog
@kennyflorian: Can't trust CNN? Next thing ya know Nigerian royalty sending me emails will be fake.
@Cheeseboy22: "And then we'll have the throat hole open up and a rectangle candy will drop from it. Kids will love it." ~ Inventors of Pez dispensers.