@ashleyaustrew: 4: "Mom, I'm gonna be just like you when I grow up and say bad words and eat French fries two at a time."

@LegoGodzilla: [first date] GIRL: When you said "fitness freak" in your profile, this isn't what I expected HALF-MAN/HALF-TREADMILL: It was an old photo

@murrman5: is your name melissa? "yes" are you married? "to you sadly" yes or no please "yes" do you like the lie detector I bought for your birthday?

@krishna_van: I AM THE MAN OF THIS HOUSE AND WHAT I SAY GOES in one ear and out the other.

@TheTweetOfGod: When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, it means you've been using Apple Maps.