@DadandBuried: Women never understand the importance of cords. We NEED to keep all these cords, just in case! What if we run out of cords!
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@DaddyJew: Me: I can't come in today, too much snow Boss: according to your FB page you've already started day drinking and are messaging me from inside an igloo you built Me: that is correct B: can I come hang?
@NurseMurderer: This earthquake was the first time that I've ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
@SadieSmithRoks: A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.