@Donnie_Fairburn: Women say they like a man in uniform but I've been wearing this naughty nurse outfit all day and not a single woman has approached me yet :(
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@KKAlThani: "Good evening, I will be your waiter for tonight. What would you like to Instagram?" - how waiters should greet people
@shahnischmani: I JUST CONSUMED SO MUCH SUGAR THAT I FEEL ALL SHOUTY IN MY HEAD AND CAPS LOCKY AND HOLY CRAP HOW DO PEOPLE DO ACTUAL DRUGS
@Sarcasticsapien: If you're going to insult the Amish, do it to their face. You kinda have to. They're never gonna see it online.
@BromanConsul: My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he's just a lamp so what does he really know anyway