@jtswhipped: Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
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@LibyaLiberty: "So,why r all Arabs terrorists?" 'All?' "Well,most." 'There's 369,243,763 Arabs.If they were mostly terrorists,you'd be dead' #ArabInAmerica
@thesulk: "Wanna pop a xanax in the Civic and kayak with mom and dad at noon?" "Can't. Scared." "Of the water?" "No. Palindromes."
@captainkalvis: Date: maybe go easy on the salt *i stand up so i can see over my pile of salt* Me: but what if there's a slug in my stomach Date: *trying* then you'd only need a little Me: *motioning to the server to bring more salt* what if its a family of slugs
@david8hughes: "So what kind of comedy will you be doing for us?" "The usual, self defecating." "Ha, I think you mean deprecating." "Think all you like."