@MrsTomServo: Women want men they can fix; men want girls they can save; I want a sandwich that makes itself.
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@amydillon: My favorite game with the kids is one where I play dead until they go around to their dad's side of the bed and wake him up.
@BigPlanetEarth: Did you know your amazing human body actually drink lava!?! Only once though.....
@iAmJuddy: Chef: What kind of bread would you like? We have wheat, rye, white... Me: Black bread. Chef: We don't have that. Me: Racist.