@vineyille: Women wanted him, men wanted to be him, geese were skeptical
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@EndhooS: Wife: He's always rewriting the past.. Therapist: is this true? Me: [doesn't hear because I'm typing 'Shrek killed Hitler' into Wikipedia]
@HiddleDeeDee: You're not really a parent until you swat blindly into the backseat, hoping to connect with a kid.
@Rachelnoise: 15: MOM, WHERE'S MY NIRVANA SHIRT?! Me: Name THREE songs & I'll help you look for it. 15: ...