@rad_milk: women wearing veils at their wedding arent fooling anybody. you invited us to this shit we know its you under there. cut the crap lady
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@xLiserx: *Batman happily approaches Batmobile* Wife: Forget it, Bruce! We have two car seats & need to go to Costco. *Defeatedly gets in Batvan*
@Michael_Erhart: "I'd like to raise a toast." *Cradles bread in arms, accepting this step into motherhood*
@jimmytorosian: Wife: I told you to baby proof the house! Me: I did. That baby has no chance if it comes in here. The bear traps will make sure of that.
@thenatewolf: There are so many people outside, and so much yelling, and I genuinely genuinely don't know if it's a murder or a rare Pokemon.