@Bob_Janke: Women with horses are rich versions of cat ladies.
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@TheBoydP: Protip: If you're walking in your office taking deep breaths because someone made popcorn, don't forget to stop as you enter the restroom.
@SCbchbum: Before sprinting towards the elevator, ask yourself, “Am I hot enough to make them hold the door?”
@amishschool: My wife yelled, "This is the LAST TIME I'm going to tell you to take out the trash", and I thought, thank goodness THAT is finally over.
@bombsydoll: girl at work scraped the frosting off her cake because there was 'too much' & it was 'too sweet' so I ate her frosting & then I ate her