@DimpleThakkar: Wonder when that family from Russia is going to realize I took a selfie instead of a photo of them standing in front of the Chinese Theatre.
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@iliezabeth: [suspecting Kyle is a werewolf] ME: Ive laid out all the good silverware for us tonight K: Its chips & salsa M: Aaand? *stabs chip w/ fork*
@Mr_Kapowski: Spice up your otherwise trite wedding by making the groomsmen act as pallbearers and carry the groom to the altar in a casket
@TheRolo: [At a San Francisco Dance Club] *Grinds cute girl in a mini-skirt* Hey baby, what's your name? "Robert"