@bugbucket: wonder why's theres a pizza laying here in the middle of the woods *eats it* *dies 82 years later* dammit it was a trap
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@longwall26: No self-respecting murderer is going to have the patience to stand there for the twenty or thirty hours it'll take me to dig my own grave.
@TheFunnyWorId: I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: nice fanny pack u weirdo KANGAROO: *puts phone in pouch, pulls out a knife* ME: holy shit
@Elizasoul80: A friend text me after the election to ask how I was doing. Now she says I'm mad at her because I haven't answered, but I'm still typing.