@CindyMeakin: <---- Wonders if aliens just call their ride a FO instead of UFO.
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@Cheeseboy22: My wife took me to the most amazing 3D movie I had ever seen last night. Half way through it I realized: we were at a play.
@AndyAsAdjective: [SETI receives extraterrestrial signal from 95 light years away] [scientist decodes message in the signal] "enough…with…the…Harambe…jokes"
@Tommytoughstuff: [job interview] "Under skill it says nicknames?" "You know it Sex Dragon." "Sex Dragon wants to know when you can start?"
@Anon_imosity: I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday. Not a great gift I know, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it