@FannyB1tch: Word of the day - Obama. I opened a bottle of brandy and drank it Obama self.
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@1Happytwit: If someone asks what you do for a living and you reply "I'm a lunatic" they won't ask any more questions.
@DanMentos: "I just tried to make reservations at the library" You don't need a res- "Couldn't get one though" Don't do this "They were fully booked"