@SuitableHolmes: Words can not even begin to describe your beauty and how much I need to borrow your car.
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@_Ms_Moneypenny_: The FedEx guy said I look like a sexy pirate. I'm not sure if that's considered sexual harassment or flirting.
@dave_cactus: [me on a ledge] COP: (through megaphone) WE'VE CALLED SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP! *Kris Kross steps out of a police van*
@jackmackenroth: Lately I've been getting in touch with my inner self. I really need to switch to a better brand of toilet paper.
@fro_vo: [Date] Me: how about a drink? get whatever floats your boat Her: thanks! i'll have a mai tai Me: *glaring* you float a boat with water karen