@Underchilde: Wore a hospital gown to work today and faked a cough for 5 minutes, and they said I could have the break room all to myself.
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@david8hughes: Midwife [handing my baby]: make sure you support his head Me: that's a really great, floppy little head you've got there. Well done
@FuckabillyRex: I thought she said "tantrum sex" and this is probably the most I've ever disappointed a woman.
@fro_vo: ER Doc: you know you could have avoided these 3rd degree burns by walking away from the explosion at regular speed Me: did it look cool tho