@Phook75: Working on a theory that Johnny Depp died shortly after The Rum Diary and filthy scarves and wigs are simply wheeled onto movie sets now
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@deedragonhunter: Coworker: What's twitter like? Me: The door handle is broken and the maid is drunk.
@caliluvgirl77: Boyfriend: you want to go see the new Star Wars? Me: I LOVE STAR WARS BF: which was your fav Me: duh, Sorcerer's Stone
@truegritrumble: DATE: Do you like sports? ME: *nervously* Sure. DATE: What's your favorite sport? ME: *panicking* Panicking.
@SmithWit: He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him. I'll ask him again when he wakes up.