@sageboggs: Worst flight I've ever been on. Waited for hours, plane never left the ground.. I'm never flying Airbnb again
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@DukEB51: My wife is such a bad cook,if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
@TheMichaelRock: The best part about Christmas Eve is when grandma gets drunk and tries to fight everyone.
@MarfSalvador: [Forest] GF: Oh god it's a bear! Me: *Stuffs socks down front of pants* GF: What are you doing? Me: Making myself look big Bear: Well hi