@_troyjohnson: Worst idea you’ll ever have is oiling your 4 year-old’s squeaky bedroom door. Congratulations, you just made a ninja.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Taylor Swift tweeted a picture of her cat watching the Olympics and just as I suspected, Taylor's bedroom looks like a giant doily.
@joeyfullystated: Autocorrect changed Italian to Taliban, so now I'm sure the NSA is super interested in my ricotta cheese.
@FullMetalMommy: My husband brought home one happy meal for two kids. Frankly things would have been less dramatic if he'd brought home a girlfriend.