@_troyjohnson: Worst idea you’ll ever have is oiling your 4 year-old’s squeaky bedroom door. Congratulations, you just made a ninja.
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@ChipKellysBalls: I'm starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
@KyleMcDowell86: A cop pulled me over because he thought I was talking on a cell phone but really I was just rubbing a slice of pizza on the side of my face
@stephenjmolloy: "Genetically modified food is very much safe for human consumption" the tomato on my plate reassuringly explained to me.