@_SetTheHook_: Worst thing about having sex with a Canadian girl is having to sit through BOTH of our national anthems before we start.
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@AbrasiveGhost: What did u do last night? Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows? Me [covering tub of dead birds]: is that the saying?
@weinerdog4life: Listen buddy, I don't know why I'm doing karate in your bedroom either, sometimes things happen
@AdamOfEarth: Girl, are you E=mc ²? Because I do not have the energy to figure out what is the matter with you.
@DanielJHannan: Babies are very like governments, you know. Constant appetite at one end, constant mess at the other. And they only ever get bigger.