@goodthyngs: Would the person who has been writing my horoscope please lighten up.
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@BlindChow: [crime scene] ROOKIE COP: but why would a chicken kill himself? DETECTIVE: *lowers shades* to get to the other side *rookie cop vomits*
@HatfieldAnne: Admit it, no one really knows how to use the memory function on a calculator. We’re all just too embarrassed to ask now.
@VodkaDietSoda: The second I sense someone about to ask for a bite of what I'm eating, I immediately shove the whole damn thing in my mouth & look baffled.