@davepell: Wouldn't it have made more sense if Al Gore claimed he invented the Algorithm?
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@bingowings14: Reduce your kids intake of sugary, fizzy drinks by shaking up the can before handing it to them.
@iwearaonesie: *wife spends all morning convincing son not to be afraid of the dentist* "Dad are you coming too?" Hell no dentists scare the shit out of me
@Tmoney68: As the fridge door was about to shut, I grabbed pizza & barely got my arm out before it closed. *Legally changes name to Indiana Jones*
@causticbob: Someone recently asked me, "What blood type are you?".. I said , "The red runny type".