@TheTweetOfGod: Wouldn't that be a cool twist if World War 3 turned out to be a U.S.-Russia thing after all? "So retro!", you'd think as you were vaporized.
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@Rollinintheseat: Person: My name is Mora.” Hawaiian wizard: “Aloha, Mora.” *Door behind her unlocks*
@jdbalani: Define Marriage: It's a way through which two people join together to solve the problems they never had before.
@BoogTweets: If they ever invent time travel my dad would still insist on leaving early to avoid traffic
@iamspacegirl: Grandpa *pulls coin from my ear* Me: Pft. Some trick. Grandpa *shoves coin into my ear, twists my nose, peanuts begin pouring from my face*